Thursday, January 17, 2008

Responsibility

What rot! I know I ought to know better than read such stupid articles - but here is an excerpt from an article which talks about a wife catching her husband cheating on her with her best friend. This is the advice a psychologist has for the philandering husband:
Instead of looking back through his marriage for the root of his problems, Dr. Robin tells David to think back even further. "All of us get wounded in childhood. You did not create this kind of self-destruction in your life, in your wife's life, in the lives of your children without a wound starting in childhood," she says. "Who pulled the rug from underneath you? That's what you've done to your family, and we learn that behavior somewhere. … Someone teaches us how to be mean."
I would like to know how it has become so common these days to absolve yourself of responsibility for your own actions and instead conveniently place the blame on something "bad" that *could* have happened eons ago. These are adults we are talking about - not mentally retarded two year olds. If a person cannot handle the weight of responsibility for their own actions, then perhaps they are not fit to operate as an adult and need to be put under constant care 24 hours a day.

This convenient offloading of responsibility irritates me no end. So am I entitled to be the biggest jerk of the century because, um, in my childhood some kid ate apple pieces from my snack-box when I was not looking? Maybe psychologists need to find deep and hidden meanings for ordinary mean and unacceptable behavior just so that they can stay in business.

I thought growing up involved learning to have control over who you are and trying to make yourself a decent member of society. Not just getting the right to vote, drive, smoke and drink.

13 comments:

The Kid said...

see it works like this: why are you blogging during working hours? because when you were 4 years old, you were looking at the board, and teacher hit you because you would not write. That is why.

That psychology is true! I tell you

Floridora said...

A- Right on!

Serendipity said...

Hi Archana,

--> Regular visitor and I love your writing :)

The very same question was asked on some show " What will you do if you and your best friend like the same man"

A:" I will try to impress him more"
Q: "How?"
A: "Shorter skirts .. my friend is on the plump side"
!!!!

Yeah! Right! Thats friendship for you !

:)

Anonymous said...

Aha... now my life falls into place :)

good piece though!

Archana said...

Pratap - oooooh, that explains it all. I am expressing my inner anger against the teacher by rebelling against authority - ooooh! Did you know the National Association of Psychologists is looking for you :-P?

Floridora - glad you agree :-)!

Serendipity - thank you :-D!! With best friends like these who needs enemies :-| - sigh!

Anon - how? Thank you :-)!

Sumana said...

Right, I admit it, with best friends like the one in situation, who needs enemies. But did not get what the psychologist is upto..

vishesh said...

hmm...what prompted you to write that and feel like that about that?

well it is a sense of fear which is there in most of us....when we are small we are blackmailed with the "physco doc" thing...we grow up and we find out the truth....it is like belief in the truth(god)...we are all told " umachi kana kuthidum" so we have a sense of fear and when we learn that what we know and feel is nothing and that we are a part of the absolute,we hate religion for blackmailing us....but as we grow ,we become curious again and find out about what the real stuff is....

i think it will help if you read more on the ways of deduction....just think why you are paranoid about certain things...trace the root and it maybe that there was a single sentence uttered about it when you were 6yrs old,which isn't even clear...

for eg...my attai told me a story about dogs biting people,i don't remember it clearly but ever since i am a cynophobic....

DivSu said...

Hi Archana

I stumbled into your blog because Google Reader recommended yours as a feed for me:) I think your style and mine match very closely and I might end up being able to relate to most of what you say, I have subscribed to your blog. Happy Blogging!

Yeah, I agree about these "mental doctors" trying to make all their patients look innocent! What a joke!

Nidhi said...

Hey...nice post! (though it may sound cliched) :)

I do agree...we simply keep looking for scapegoats (whether people or circumstances) to blame all our setbacks on!

anamika said...

interesting point..LOL!

Archana said...

Sumana - I know! The psychologist's explanation sounds SO lame!

Vishesh - I do agree that not all analysis by psychologists is baloney. However, some of the analysis like the one I linked to in my post is silly enough to be immediately spotted as random crap. No matter how much of a person's behavior can be traced back to possible childhood influences, condoning it because of the same just does not seem right!

DivSu - Welcome aboard :-)! Thank you :-)!

Nidhi - Welcome aboard :-)! I guess that is the easiest way out!

Anamika - Welcome aboard :-)!

laksh said...

Archana,

Stumbled on your blog from SK's. Loved this piece of yours.

Archana said...

Laksh - welcome aboard :-)! And thanks :-)!