I met again with my friend Shilpa after more than a year and a half. Since we first met (19 year ago now, man, time flies), this is probably the longest we have gone without meeting up. But of course, the moment we met, it was like we had been chatting together forever. That is the best part about close friends, time apart never affects anything.
Shilpa had traveled by herself to Chennai to attend to some official work. Though she was here for exactly a day, it was a great one day. We shunted S out to the hall and chatted late into the night till we couldn't keep our eyes open any more. We talked about everything under the sun - it was just like the good old times when we were in school. The chatting continued at all the times when we weren't asleep and time just flew.
Since we have known each other for so long, there are hardly any sides, good or bad, of one, that are unknown to the other. And since we like each other the way we are, we can simply be ourselves when we meet and get right down to the business of having a good time.
I totally had a jolly good time!
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Monday, December 20, 2010
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Evolution of friendship
I was in final year of undergrad when the movie Snehithiye came out. My friends and I thought it was a decent movie and good entertainment. The movie was soon forgotten but one of the messages from the movie was oft quoted by us even much later.
Tabu, who plays an inspector in the movie, comes to an all-girls college as chief guest for some function and tells the students that it is very easy for women especially to lose touch with their buddies from childhood and youth. Saddened by this prediction, then and there, the two female leads make a promise to be a part of each other's lives forever.
When I watched that movie, my first reaction was: "Hey, that is true. While my dad is in touch with his close friends from the old days, most of my mom's close friends are the wives of my dad's friends." It turned out that this statement was echoed by almost all of my other female friends. Then and there, we friends too made a pact to always be a part of each other's lives.
Immediately out of college, this was an easy thing to do. We had nothing better than to do than to keep in touch anyways! Thus every happening, big and small, in each person's life was shared in depth. Emails, instant messaging, phone calls - there was no dearth of communication. So much so, I took it for granted that my friends would tell me *every* single happening in their life in real time. I still remember getting extremely upset because a very close friend did not tell me about an important event in her life as soon as it happened.
Anyways, the first year out of college, I think my friends and I hogged most of the available bandwidth on the internet, on telephone lines and everywhere. In spite of being spread across two continents and thousands of miles, the bond was still there. I thought back to the Snehithiye dialog and thought, "Um, this is so much fun. Why did anyone make a big deal out of keeping in touch."
Towards the end of the second year, slight cracks began to appear. Everyone had more "responsibilities" (however you define it), and though news was still shared, it was no longer with the same limitless abandon as before. The network of people I was very regularly in touch with became smaller. But the ones I *was* in touch with - oh we were on call 24/7 for each other. Life was still good.
Then, somewhere towards end of year three, some of my close friends no longer seemed to be "0n call" for me all the time. Though I knew I could still count on them, I felt hurt by this sudden demotion. For the first time in my life, I started thinking twice about calling some close friends for fear of "intruding". And o boy, was I unhappy about this development. What had happened to us? I nevertheless still tried to keep in touch as much as possible - email, phone calls, everything - I saw wanted us to go back to the good old days. I missed it so much.
Then some more years rolled by. Initially I could say with a clear conscience that in case any communication stopped with any friend, it was due to lack of response on the other side. I would *never* be the person who did not reply to an email or who did not call back.
Time went by. One fine day, I guiltily realized that sometimes I was the one who did not respond. I wanted to, but somehow did not. Oh, I met up with most of my close friends a couple of times a year and we caught up with news often enough. But the constant communication was a thing of the past. I felt guilty but then...
Now I think I have finally reached the stage I have dreaded for so long. I have come to accept that frequent and daily communication with close friends is not something which is going to start happening magically by itself. Though it seemed so at some point, just because we are "friends", it does not automatically guarantee constant involvement. Everyone is busy with their own lives. Maybe this is another symptom of growing up - I don't know. The saddest part is, I no longer feel sad or angered by this realization. Because I myself am "busy" you see.
Don't get me wrong here. As I have said many times before, my friends will always be one of the foundations of my life and that is something which will never change. Friendship should grow and evolve as the persons in it grow and evolve - that after all, is a sign of a long-lasting relationship.
That knowledge still does not stop me from sometimes thinking back to the days of unbridled, joyous, no-holds barred friendship. Those times, I wish I could turn back time. It was not so long ago after all.
Tabu, who plays an inspector in the movie, comes to an all-girls college as chief guest for some function and tells the students that it is very easy for women especially to lose touch with their buddies from childhood and youth. Saddened by this prediction, then and there, the two female leads make a promise to be a part of each other's lives forever.
When I watched that movie, my first reaction was: "Hey, that is true. While my dad is in touch with his close friends from the old days, most of my mom's close friends are the wives of my dad's friends." It turned out that this statement was echoed by almost all of my other female friends. Then and there, we friends too made a pact to always be a part of each other's lives.
Immediately out of college, this was an easy thing to do. We had nothing better than to do than to keep in touch anyways! Thus every happening, big and small, in each person's life was shared in depth. Emails, instant messaging, phone calls - there was no dearth of communication. So much so, I took it for granted that my friends would tell me *every* single happening in their life in real time. I still remember getting extremely upset because a very close friend did not tell me about an important event in her life as soon as it happened.
Anyways, the first year out of college, I think my friends and I hogged most of the available bandwidth on the internet, on telephone lines and everywhere. In spite of being spread across two continents and thousands of miles, the bond was still there. I thought back to the Snehithiye dialog and thought, "Um, this is so much fun. Why did anyone make a big deal out of keeping in touch."
Towards the end of the second year, slight cracks began to appear. Everyone had more "responsibilities" (however you define it), and though news was still shared, it was no longer with the same limitless abandon as before. The network of people I was very regularly in touch with became smaller. But the ones I *was* in touch with - oh we were on call 24/7 for each other. Life was still good.
Then, somewhere towards end of year three, some of my close friends no longer seemed to be "0n call" for me all the time. Though I knew I could still count on them, I felt hurt by this sudden demotion. For the first time in my life, I started thinking twice about calling some close friends for fear of "intruding". And o boy, was I unhappy about this development. What had happened to us? I nevertheless still tried to keep in touch as much as possible - email, phone calls, everything - I saw wanted us to go back to the good old days. I missed it so much.
Then some more years rolled by. Initially I could say with a clear conscience that in case any communication stopped with any friend, it was due to lack of response on the other side. I would *never* be the person who did not reply to an email or who did not call back.
Time went by. One fine day, I guiltily realized that sometimes I was the one who did not respond. I wanted to, but somehow did not. Oh, I met up with most of my close friends a couple of times a year and we caught up with news often enough. But the constant communication was a thing of the past. I felt guilty but then...
Now I think I have finally reached the stage I have dreaded for so long. I have come to accept that frequent and daily communication with close friends is not something which is going to start happening magically by itself. Though it seemed so at some point, just because we are "friends", it does not automatically guarantee constant involvement. Everyone is busy with their own lives. Maybe this is another symptom of growing up - I don't know. The saddest part is, I no longer feel sad or angered by this realization. Because I myself am "busy" you see.
Don't get me wrong here. As I have said many times before, my friends will always be one of the foundations of my life and that is something which will never change. Friendship should grow and evolve as the persons in it grow and evolve - that after all, is a sign of a long-lasting relationship.
That knowledge still does not stop me from sometimes thinking back to the days of unbridled, joyous, no-holds barred friendship. Those times, I wish I could turn back time. It was not so long ago after all.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Nice
- Eating at four different restaurants, each with the lip-smacking end result of "I am so stuffed I can't eat a bite more"
- Five and a half hours of non-stop walking around with window-shopping. And stopping to browse at "just one more shop" before heading restaurant-wards though legs were in killing mode.
- Meeting a big group consisting of about fourteen unknown people and giggling silly over it. Insiduously trying to get more info about one of those members and winding up with, "Gosh, I think we blew it."
- Jumping up at 2.00a in the morning with, "Oh shoot, its actually 3.00a now because of Daylight Savings - we better get to bed" to make it to brunch at one of the four places mentioned in point number one.
- Non-stop chatter about everything from books and five ways to distinguish fresh-off-the-boat-desis to why change is nice.
- Not at all noticing the passage of almost forty eight hours.
I did not do anything "special" this weekend. Yet, it has been the most relaxing and wonderful weekend I have had in a while now.
Adieu weekend. I am so charged for the week ahead that even the unceremonious loss of an hour has barely made a dent in my enthusiasm.
Did I mention? Having friends you love spending time with while being yourself must be the biggest blessing. Ever.
- Five and a half hours of non-stop walking around with window-shopping. And stopping to browse at "just one more shop" before heading restaurant-wards though legs were in killing mode.
- Meeting a big group consisting of about fourteen unknown people and giggling silly over it. Insiduously trying to get more info about one of those members and winding up with, "Gosh, I think we blew it."
- Jumping up at 2.00a in the morning with, "Oh shoot, its actually 3.00a now because of Daylight Savings - we better get to bed" to make it to brunch at one of the four places mentioned in point number one.
- Non-stop chatter about everything from books and five ways to distinguish fresh-off-the-boat-desis to why change is nice.
- Not at all noticing the passage of almost forty eight hours.
I did not do anything "special" this weekend. Yet, it has been the most relaxing and wonderful weekend I have had in a while now.
Adieu weekend. I am so charged for the week ahead that even the unceremonious loss of an hour has barely made a dent in my enthusiasm.
Did I mention? Having friends you love spending time with while being yourself must be the biggest blessing. Ever.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Friends
Time and again, I have heard quite a few people complain about their (former and current) room-mates. I am usually a passive listener in all such conversations. When someone asks me for my input, I answer truthfully, "Oh, I have gotten along fabulously with all my room-mates right since my undergrad days in the hostel. In fact, I am in touch with most of them still and we are good friends." And people suspiciously ask, "You did not have problems with even one room-mate of yours?" and I just shake my head, "No."
At this point, there are gasps of disbelief. Some people then say, "Wow!" while the more charitable ones say, "Oh, you must have a very nice and adjusting personality then." To the latter I always react with, "No - I was just lucky I guess." To which people inevitably reply, "Don't be modest!"
Well, recently I was proved right - O boy, o boy, don't I love it when I am right :-D. I do have buttons which when pushed (even by people I usually get along well with) can annoy the heck out of me. Keep pushing them and there is your murderess in the making! So I was right all along - I have been extremely lucky in getting great room-mates (in most cases, pre-chosen) and great friends who hardly ever push(ed) those buttons. And the entire credit goes to them.
Thank God for friends. In particular, thank God for giving me great friends. Each of you is so important to me in so many ways and you make my life even more wonderful :-D!
Happy friendship day folks :-D!
At this point, there are gasps of disbelief. Some people then say, "Wow!" while the more charitable ones say, "Oh, you must have a very nice and adjusting personality then." To the latter I always react with, "No - I was just lucky I guess." To which people inevitably reply, "Don't be modest!"
Well, recently I was proved right - O boy, o boy, don't I love it when I am right :-D. I do have buttons which when pushed (even by people I usually get along well with) can annoy the heck out of me. Keep pushing them and there is your murderess in the making! So I was right all along - I have been extremely lucky in getting great room-mates (in most cases, pre-chosen) and great friends who hardly ever push(ed) those buttons. And the entire credit goes to them.
Thank God for friends. In particular, thank God for giving me great friends. Each of you is so important to me in so many ways and you make my life even more wonderful :-D!
Happy friendship day folks :-D!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Bribe
I am mighty irritated, sleepy and queasy today. I guess a total of five hours of sleep + an early day at work + mid-week blues + irregular timings for breakfast and lunch can do that to a person. I have been trying to hold up with major infusions of coffee and tea. I think I am slowly turning into Caffeine-Lady.
Anyways, all of the above translated into a grumpy and sad-looking me. My poor friend at work, P, had to bear the brunt of it. I cribbed and complained and cribbed some more. Finally, P said that he would buy me ice-cream to cheer up. Aiii :-D! I don't like ice-cream all that much but as P put it, "free ice cream is a slice of heaven".
No matter how much I complain about the rampant corruption and bribery prevalent in India, I do love to get bribed sometimes. Especially for doing something which I have to do anyways and which will ultimately benefit me the most! Now, this is not a wish which can be easily fulfilled but my friends, room-mates and family members have sometimes made it happen.
I owe my Master's degree in part to my dear friend (and former roomie) J. For the longest time, though I had enough data to get started, I kept postponing writing my thesis. Just the thought of the task overwhelmed me so much that I did not feel like starting it even. That was also about the time book 5 of the Harry Potter series was going to be released. I had been badgering J to buy it so that I could read it (I had some fundae about why I couldn't buy it). J kept resisting my efforts.
Then, one fine morning, J said, "Okay, here is a deal: You start writing your thesis today. Write at least five pages of your first chapter. Whenever you are done, ping me. I will come over to your lab and order the book online. You can read it first when it arrives."
Harry Potter motivated me where so many others had failed. That noon, I actually started writing my thesis and wrote more than five pages. J promptly ordered the book and as per the promise, when it arrived, I read it first too (in one long shot interspersed with tea and food breaks - the tea and food of course being made by roomies J and R :-D).
Obviously, once I actually got down the task of writing my thesis, it no longer seemed as daunting. I had been successfully bribed to start writing my own Master's thesis!!!
There are other such incidents of small-time bribery. Thinking of them always brings a smile to my face :-)!
Coincidentally, R and J are getting their doctorates today. I am off to Davis later this noon to felicitate them. Up ahead: an evening to relive the good old times! YES :-)!
Anyways, all of the above translated into a grumpy and sad-looking me. My poor friend at work, P, had to bear the brunt of it. I cribbed and complained and cribbed some more. Finally, P said that he would buy me ice-cream to cheer up. Aiii :-D! I don't like ice-cream all that much but as P put it, "free ice cream is a slice of heaven".
No matter how much I complain about the rampant corruption and bribery prevalent in India, I do love to get bribed sometimes. Especially for doing something which I have to do anyways and which will ultimately benefit me the most! Now, this is not a wish which can be easily fulfilled but my friends, room-mates and family members have sometimes made it happen.
I owe my Master's degree in part to my dear friend (and former roomie) J. For the longest time, though I had enough data to get started, I kept postponing writing my thesis. Just the thought of the task overwhelmed me so much that I did not feel like starting it even. That was also about the time book 5 of the Harry Potter series was going to be released. I had been badgering J to buy it so that I could read it (I had some fundae about why I couldn't buy it). J kept resisting my efforts.
Then, one fine morning, J said, "Okay, here is a deal: You start writing your thesis today. Write at least five pages of your first chapter. Whenever you are done, ping me. I will come over to your lab and order the book online. You can read it first when it arrives."
Harry Potter motivated me where so many others had failed. That noon, I actually started writing my thesis and wrote more than five pages. J promptly ordered the book and as per the promise, when it arrived, I read it first too (in one long shot interspersed with tea and food breaks - the tea and food of course being made by roomies J and R :-D).
Obviously, once I actually got down the task of writing my thesis, it no longer seemed as daunting. I had been successfully bribed to start writing my own Master's thesis!!!
There are other such incidents of small-time bribery. Thinking of them always brings a smile to my face :-)!
Coincidentally, R and J are getting their doctorates today. I am off to Davis later this noon to felicitate them. Up ahead: an evening to relive the good old times! YES :-)!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
My best friend's wedding
One of the reasons why the trip to India this time is going to be extra-special is because I will be going for Shilpa's wedding. S and I have been friends for nearly 15 years now. She is my oldest best friend. We each know enough secrets about the other to be able to do successful blackmailing if we wanted. I have eaten her head about a lot of things. She calls me up at any time with a "I was bored and you are the perfect person to bug." We can talk for hours together about any topic under the sun.We met in the seventh grade (okay stop calculating my age now). And studied for exactly two years together after that. Since then we have never stayed in the same city, forget the same school. Yet the friendship continues - first through handwritten mails and then through emails, instant messaging and telephoning. There are some people with whom you just stay connected without any conscious effort on your part. S is right there among the top people on the list
After I came to the US I have lost count of the number of friends whose weddings I have had to miss thanks to staying in a country 10,000 miles away. Ever since I knew about S and Vikram's (her future husband) relationship, I had always threatened S to dare not get married without my presence. I think I was among the first people to know when the wedding dates were fixed last year - S wanted me to start planning my visit.
For a while, it seemed that after all the effort, I would not be able to make it after all. But luckily things worked out and I am going to be there for the WHOLE ceremony. I am so thrilled :-D!
Shilpa is getting married on the 20th of January 2006. Vikram is really one lucky guy to get a wife like her. You can look all over for a long time but I doubt you will find anybody as caring or generous as S. Go wish her folks - she deserves the best of everything in the world!!
There are quite a few close friends of mine who have become not so close ever since they got married. I have promised S with bodily injury if she starts the stand-offish "maami" act with me once she becomes a parineeta (married woman). But knowing S, I somehow suspect that rather than her friends, Vikram is the one one who should be concerned about being ignored ;-)!
Shilpa, here's wishing you a long, wonderful, happy, successful and blissful married life :-D! You rock, girl!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Friends
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year
But ... I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'cause you're there for me too.
This is the theme song from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I like the lyrics a lot! Friends play a very important role in my life and I am fiercely loyal to them.
No, today is not friendship day or something. Just wanted to say a general thank you to all my friends for always being there for me :-)!
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